Visa extension day…sheer wonder!

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We rode on one of two identical boat across the lagoon to Mango Creek on the Hokey Pokey Water Taxi.

Initially perceived as a necessary responsibility laden experience, getting one of our two required visa extensions proved to be a fun filled day.  Having decided many months ago that creating an adventure out of what may appear to be mundane would greatly improve the possibility of a positive outcome.  Indeed., that’s true!

The hut where we waited to board the Hokey Pokey boat.

Only two and a half months ago while living in Scottsdale Arizona, preparing for our upcoming travels, Tom had to have his final dreaded colonoscopy and endoscopy.

As it turned out we ended up having a wonderful time, meeting the gastroenterologist in his office for not only great news on Tom’s results but a bird’s eye view of his wide array of photos he’d taken while on safari in Africa.  While admiring the quality of his photos, a lively conversation ensued that we’ll both remember for a long time to come….an otherwise unpleasant experience resulting in a memorable day.


While driving through the channel to the lagoon, we saw several of these houses on stilts, a common style in Belize with potential hurricanes and high tides.

His work inspired us to learn to take good photos along the way, a gift to ourselves and others who share in our passion of the treasures Mother Nature has bestowed upon us all, not only in exotic locales but in our everyday lives.

Today, was a venture out into our new everyday life…taking care of business.
Little camera in hand, our cab driver Estevan appeared at our door, promptly at 9:30 as planned to drive us the five miles to Placencia Village to the dock on the lagoon to the Hokey Pokey Water Taxi.

Estevan, what a guy!  Concerned that we might not get a knowledgeable cab driver, he started making phone calls, first to his wife to get the phone number for a cabbie he knows. “Vic” who works the Mango Creek pier was more than willing to  take us on the 10 minutes drive to Big Creek where the Immigration Department is located. 

Minutes later, he was talking to Vic, not only negotiating an equitable fare for us in advance, a mere $10 (US) round trip, but also asking that Vic would wait for us while we were in the Immigration office obtaining our 30 day extensions.  Wow!  Need I say that we were appreciative and impressed? 

Dropping us off at the tiny waiting area for the Hokey Pokey Water Taxi, Estevan suggested we met up in front of the local grocery store, The Ming at 1:30 so we could shop and perhaps find more available items.  A perfect plan.


The dock in Mango Creek where Vic picked up the five of us for the drive to the Immigration Department in Big Creek,

With Estevan’s phone number neatly tucked into my shorts pocket, we bought two one way tickets  US $6 for the boat ride to Mango Creek.  Scheduled to depart at 10:00 am, we waited patiently sitting on the wood benches in the shaded hut while more passengers purchased tickets. 

It was hot and humid.  We’d frozen two water bottles for the journey, later grateful for having done so.  As required we had our passports, ID, money and potentially required documents that we listed in yesterday’s post directly from the Belize Immigration office.  Based on comments from both locals and travelers, the likelihood of being asked for additional documentation was low. 

In our usual “be prepared just in case” way, brought along everything they asked for in their forms.  It’d be a shame to go all that way and expense to be asked for a document we didn’t have in our possession.  (When in line at Immigration, we observed that some others also had the myriad documents on hand). 

No, we weren’t asked for the additional documents.  In a month, when we return for the second extension, we’ll bring along the same package we prepared for today, just in case that we’re the one out of a hundred that is asked, we’ll be prepared.

Seventeen passengers were seated in the small boat with us which zoomed across the water with ease with its huge newer looking outboard motor humming along.  With such a load, the boat was low in the water.  We weren’t concerned as we enjoyed the cool breeze thumping across the massive lagoon to Mango Creek.

Sitting next to us, both in the hut and on the boat, was a delightful couple , Margaret and Fred from Switzerland with smooth as silk accents, whose daughter and grandchild lived in Placencia, visiting them every year.  They were not only familiar with the country of Belize but were experienced world travelers who’d spent considerable time living in Africa.  

Claus, Margaret, Jess and Fred, our newly met Visa Day companions.

The conversation with Margaret and Fred was enhanced by the four of us meeting yet another passenger, Claus from Germany, who recently moved to Placencia with his wife and young child.  They all asked if they could ride in our prearranged cab, Vic’s large van, for the ensuing trip through Mango Creek and onward to Big Creek, the location of the Immigration Department.

Arriving at the dock in Mango Creek around 10:15 am, Vic was looking for us.  Estevan, thank you!!!  Quickly agreeing to take the five of us, we were on the road for the 10 minute drive to Big Creek.  The conversation among the five of us made the time fly by not only along the ride to and fro but the 25 minutes total it took for the five of us to get our passports stamped.

We made it back to the pier in Mango Creek at 11:05 and thank goodness, the return boat had yet to depart.  Waving goodbye to our newly found “friends”, Tom and I took off on foot from the pier to walk along the busy main road of the village to for a stop at a local vegetable stand, to a bank to exchange US $100  money to Belizian money (Belize $1.98 for US $1.00) to eventually end up at The Ming grocery to hook up with Estevan for the ride back to Laru Beya, our temporary home.

The stop at the vegetable stand was more fulfilling than I could imagine.  With no marked prices on any of the fresh organic produce we loaded up all we could carry and use over the next 9 days until Estevan returns to take us grocery shopping again.  Imagine, we purchased all of these items for a total of $12!  Fresh, organic, Roundup free, vegetables in the natural colors intended by nature, not chemically induced to be darker and brighter.

  • 2 pounds of carrots
  • 2 large heads of cabbage
  • 3 pounds of green beans
  • 3 large onions
  • 2 medium size eggplants
  • 2 pounds of pea pods
  • 1 large zucchini
Tom in the vegetable stand bagging up our produce.  We couldn’t have been more enthusiastic about our loot, all for only $12

Fresh produce!!  We couldn’t have been more thrilled.  As we’ve discovered, with only occasional carrots, cabbage, onions and peppers in most grocery stores, our selection has been limited.  Without wheels and the cost of a cab into Placencia at $20 plus tip, we’d decided it greatly added to our otherwise ample grocery store budget of $800 a month (dining out adds another $700 a month). 

Thus, we’ve limited ourselves to canned vegetables and homemade home chopped coleslaw which we now have made as a staple in our diet.  With lettuce at the vegetable stand, we looked at each other wondering if we wanted lettuce salad, shaking our heads “no”. We decided to stick with our standby coleslaw using our homemade dressing.  I make it early in the day, to ensure its ice cold by dinner.

In the future, we’ll go shopping in the village which has a much wider selection than the few stores we’ve frequented in the past.  On the return trip, Estevan offered to take us to the village going forward for $15 round trip enabling us to select from a wider range of foods. We purchased enough food today at a cost of $190 to get us through until a week from Wednesday when Estevan returns.  Of course, we gave him an ample tip, appreciative for all that he did for us.

Back in our villa, we put the food away, content with our purchases and locked up our documents in our built-in safe.  I began preparing dinner for tonight, a fresh batch of coleslaw, a giant bowl of chicken salad using the leftover chicken from last night along with big plate of buttery steamed green beans.

We’ll go back on the Hokey Pokey by March 20th to extend our visa for the remaining 20 days until we sail away on April 9th.  Now, for our much anticipated vegetable laden dinner, a sense of satisfaction for another great day and an evening with a full moon. 

Humm…maybe we’ll get a few good shots tonight! Check back tomorrow to see!

Thoughts from a milestone birthday…

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Stormy windy day on my birthday.
Repeat photo from a sunny day a few weeks ago.

Yesterday morning, on the day of my 65th birthday, clouds rolled in from the white capped sea creating a gloomy blanket over us.  Standing at the glass door at 6 am, I wondered if it would clear in time to spend the bulk of the day outside, as we’ve done over the past two weeks since arriving at Laru Beya, a virtual paradise of lush gardens, shifting sands, and non stop congeniality.

As raindrops propelled by the fierce winds splayed on the glass, for a moment I allowed myself a little whine, “Goodness, can’t it be nice on my birthday?”  Quickly reminding myself that the “old me” might have been annoyed by an inclement day, I straightened up and threw my brain into reverse.

“It’s a perfect day.  I’m 65 years old today, alive, healthy and living in a haven of loveliness with the man of my dreams, living a life I’d never imagined, a life I never dared to dream. Let it rain!  Let it pour!  It doesn’t matter.

No walk on the beach.  No long walk next door to be driven to the outdoor Singing Sands, five miles down the road to celebrate the occasion with yet another special dinner.  No one-hour by the pool soaking up our daily dose of Vitamin D, which now “they say” reduces the effects of aging.  We shall see how “that’s working for us!”

Coffee, shower, dress for the day and tidying up our place in preparation for our Mayan maid Gloria to come in and clean at 9:00 am, the same time our trusty cab driver Estevan appears to take us grocery shopping so we’ll be out of her way.

She was early.  We like her.  Tom blurted out, “It’s Jessica’s birthday today!” Obviously, he was fishing for birthday wishes for me when back in the US, the wishes came in abundance on that day. 

Gloria throws her head back and laughs, “Its my birthday today too!  Happy birthday, Miss Yessica,” she says with her sweet broken English.  We all laughed together.  Tom and I couldn’t give her enough good wishes.  How ironic?  I can’t recall ever meeting anyone with the same birthday.

Determined to find something fabulous to make for dinner, we rummaged through the three freezers at the grocery store in Seine Bight, the little town next to us, a short cab ride away.  Sensitive to Estevan waiting outside, I had an awful time making a decision:  frozen chicken parts, thin frozen steaks, frozen hot dogs or frozen short ribs. 

Hummm…what shall it be?  The limitations of our diet added to feeling confused and rushed.  I grabbed the chicken, parts unknown, unable to make a decision for any other nights. 

We grabbed the four packages of cream cheese we’d ordered a week ago,  several packages of local peanuts in the shell, a head of cabbage, six giant carrots and three onions from huge bags that had just arrived from the farm.

After a total of only $35 plus $10 plus tip for the cab, we were back on our way “home” still wondering what we’d cook for the birthday dinner.  As we put the perishables in the ample ice cold stainless steel fridge, perusing its contents, we decided on eating the leftover homemade pizza still in the freezer while I’d make a fresh batch of coleslaw by shredding the vegetables by hand. 

The knife in the drawer was dull.  I sharpened it on the rock Tom had brought inside  and washed for cracking coconuts.  It worked much to my surprise.  When does one “wash a rock” while living in the US?.  Never.  I made the coleslaw early in the day to chill.  Coleslaw and pizza?  Sure, why not?  A perfect birthday dinner.  (This was the other half of the pizza we didn’t really love but ate it anyway a week ago).  It tasted better the second time.

The rain continued throughout the day into the evening.  We’d cancelled the dinner reservation online.  We stayed in all day and evening.  I finished Part 2 of Monkey River for this blog, posting multiple photos (a slow laborious process in Blogger).  Tom watched the stock market news on TV. 

I responded to a multitude of thoughtful birthday wishes posted on Facebook, spoke to family on Skype and paid bills online. You know, the stuff we do on rainy days, snowy days, days we’re stuck inside.  I was not disappointed.  It was a good birthday.

Tom did the dishes as usual.  I played solitaire on my computer scoring my highest score ever.  At 9:30, my head nodding into my computer, I decided to turn in.  For some goofy reason I was tired. I guess that what 65 year olds do.

Preparing for tomorrow’s expedition, weather permitting…

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Our water shoes, Swarovski binoculars, sunglasses, shorts, bathing suits, tee shirts, sunscreen and of course, bug spray and the camera.

Tomorrow morning at 7:45 we’ll be taking off for an expedition, subject to good weather.  Upon returning later in the day, we’ll describe our experience and hopefully post many photos.  Above is a photo of the “stuff” we plan  to wear and bring along.
 
We’ll take photos of us, before, after, and during our greatly anticipated exploration.  No, we won’t be bungee jumping or, much to my dismay, zip lining.  My hope, at the time we booked our travels was to experience the zip line.

As we’ve treasured the opportunity to travel the world, we ‘ve recently made a decision to avoid potentially injurious situations.  Let’s face it, on Wednesday this week, I’ll turn 65. Tom, who doesn’t exercise, other than walking vigorously (as of late) is 60. 

Yeah, we know, travelers older than us take monumental risks.  That’s not us. Although, throughout the world, we’re definitely exposed to many risks traveling in certain lands.

View from beach outside our veranda of Robert’s Grove pier bar.

Not athletic but generally fit and now in good health, no experience is worth risking damage to my delicate spine.  After being totally pain free for over 18 months based on the benefits of my strict anti-inflammation diet, we’ve decided that no adventure is worth ruining the remainder of the world travels awaiting us. 

Without a doubt, now that we’re settled, relaxed and… our 2012 prep spreadsheet is in the hands of our accountant (as of this morning), we’re anxious to venture out to further explore the amazing country of Belize, learning about it’s people, wildlife, geography, vegetation and history, all of which we’ll share here.

The past few days the weather’s been unpredictable with a combination of high winds, fast moving clouds and some drizzles resulting in rough seas.  Yesterday, we avoided our usual lengthy walk along the beach.  It was cold!  Tom laughed at me shivering in 70 degrees but, after days of 86 degrees with 80% or more humidity, it felt chilly. 

Windy and cloudy on the beach today.

This afternoon, the clouds moved out.  Minutes later we were ensconced in our favorite lawn chairs, our phones loaded with multiple books on Kindle apps,  in order to lazily lounge for our usual one-hour of sun worshipping ending with a dunk in the pristine unheated infinity pool. 

I hadn’t read a novel in years, never taking the time to “get out of my head” in a novel.  Instead, I read volumes of informational, educational non-fiction books.  Having completed an entire  mindless novel in the past few days, I felt refreshed and content to have allowed myself to relax to this degree.

Tonight, we’ll dine in.  With a whole leftover roasted chicken, onions and carrots and homemade coleslaw (made with a tiny head of cabbage and a few giant carrots that I shredded with a knife) we’ll partake in a pleasure from our past, watching  the TV show, The Bachelor.  Much to our surprise, in Belize, we have full access to US television shows broadcasting all major networks and cable channels from New York. 

Seldom watching TV since leaving the US, tonight’s the night.  Freshly showered, in comfy clothes, we’ll soon park ourselves in front of the flat screen TV, trays on our laps, great food on our plates, doing what we love the most, simply being together.  Gee…it’s fun to be retired!

Check back tomorrow for details of our outing. 

Valentine’s Day story about a happy couple we met…

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Pam and Jerry, newlyweds on their honeymoon at our resort at LaruBeya. 

As mentioned in yesterday’s post, we met a very special couple on the beach yesterday afternoon with whom we shared a delightful dinner at the Mexican buffet at Hananero Restaurant, a short walk across the road.

A couple about our ages, Pam and Jerry are on their honeymoon.  They were married last week on the beach in their winter home in San Pedro, Ambergris Caye, Belize at a small gathering of local friends.

Not so unusual a story in itself:  another fine couple at retirement age, find one another and commit to spending their “golden years” together in wedded bliss. 

The magic of Pam and Jerry’s story warmed our hearts.  They found each other on Facebook a few years ago, over 40 years ago after dating in high school.  I suppose this isn’t such a new story in today’s technological environment. 

Smiling from ear to ear as they told their story, we all reveled in the good fortune of finding that special someone, especially only a few days from Valentine’s Day, a day that Tom and I always celebrated with cards, gifts, and a special dinner.

This year will be different for us. There isn’t a Valentine’s card to be found in Placencia, Belize, not a drugstore, not a Target store or a gift shop containing anything other than the handmade trinkets we agreed not to buy in our travels. 

Years ago, I’d bake a heart-shaped cake with pink fluffy frosting on which I’d write words of love in my illegible handwriting. In any case, the message was clear.  Now, with our restricted way of eating plus the lack of local ingredients to bake a palatable gluten-free cake, we will be dessert free.

At the grocery store today, I had hoped to find cream cheese to make our low carb, sugar-free, grain-free, starch-free, “Cream Cheese Clouds” a favorite candy that freezes into a delectable candy. See the recipe at the end of this post.

There was no cream cheese and no butter, both ingredients needed to make this candy. Also lacking at the little store, the biggest in the area was Italian sausage to make our pizza tonight (what we kept in the little fridge last week while living in the “water-free” zone looked suspicious so we tossed it). 

There also was no breakfast sausage and no fresh veggies other than giant carrots and onions which we purchased. See my Facebook page for more details of our grocery shopping experience this morning.

In the morning, we’ll cut some fresh flowers growing everywhere around us.  I’ll set the table on the veranda with the placemats and linen napkins I borrowed from the restaurant for our time here.  We’ll crack the bottle of sparkling wine that we saved from the first night aboard the Celebrity Equinox using the champagne flutes in our villa’s cupboard. 

We’ll dine on the leftover pizza that we’re making tonight provided we don’t devour it all tonight. (We used Polish sausage in place of Italian sausage. We shall see how that works out).

No cards to open, no gifts to unwrap, and no homemade cake with pink fluffy frosting sticking to our fingers.  What there will be is the love to behold, the companionship to cherish, the commitment to comfort, the future to anticipate, and the moment…ah, the moment that will last forever.

Happy Valentine’s Day Pam and Jerry!  Happy Valentine’s Day to my husband. Happy Valentine’s Day to our four children, their spouses, our six grandchildren, our combined ten siblings and their significant others, our aunts, our uncles, our nieces, our nephews, our cousins, and all of their extended family members and all of our friends, all of whom we left behind, all of whom we send our love.

Love is universal. Love is worldwide. Love is wafting through the air in our lives every day and hopefully, in yours.

Recipe for:

CREAM CHEESE CLOUDS 

32 ounces cream cheese, softened 
2 cup unsalted butter, softened 
3 cup granular Splenda or equivalent liquid Splenda * ¾ tsp liquid

1 T vanilla or other flavoring  (use red food coloring to make them pink if you’d like)

Beat everything with an electric mixer until fluffy. Drop by bite-size spoonful onto a wax paper-lined baking sheet.  Or if you’d prefer to make it easier, pour onto the bottom of a parchment or wax paper-lined cookie sheet and spread around until 1/3″ thick.  When frozen, break apart as you would peanut brittle into the bite-sized piece.

Freeze until firm, at least 1 hour. Store in the freezer and eat frozen.

Makes 96 clouds

* I didn’t think they were quite sweet enough with 1/2 cup so I used liquid Splenda to equal 3/4 cup granular. The counts are based on 3/4 cup Splenda.

NOTE: You
can store these in the freezer and they will hold their shape quite well as
long as they are good and cold.

With
granular Splenda: 
Per Cloud: 70 Calories; 7g Fat; 1g
Protein; 1g Carbohydrate; 0g Dietary Fiber; 1g Net Carb 


Per 2 Clouds: 140 Calories; 14g Fat; 2g Protein; 2g Carbohydrate; 0g Dietary
Fiber; 2g Net Carbs

With
liquid Splenda: 
Per 2 Clouds: 134 Calories; 14g Fat;
2g Protein; .5g Carbohydrate; 0g Dietary Fiber; .5g Net Carbs 

Per 4 Clouds: 268 Calories; 29g Fat; 3g Protein; 1g Carbohydrate; 0g Dietary
Fiber; 1g Net Carb

 

Raining for days…

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A palm frond we discovered on the drive to Maya Beach

It’s rained almost nonstop the past three days.  With no screens on the windows, the humidity at 100%, the bugs are literally swarming around me biting every few minutes.  Trying not to scratch seems to reduce the longevity of the itching.

Both of us are making a concerted effort to stay cheerful and optimistic. We perceive this period of time as “training.”  Training to learn to live with the bites, the humidity, the inclement weather, the lack of hot water, often no water at all, and of course, the bugs. 

Beach at Maya Beach Hotel

It won’t be like this everywhere we’ve planned to visit, only a few.  In a little over 60 days, we’ll be aboard ship again for over a month.  That’s an easy life.

We had no delusions that this would be one long vacation. However, we hadn’t imagined we’d have this water issue.  Had we known, we would not have rented this small beach house.

Tom at Maya Beach

Apparently, the water problem is due to issues with the city trying to repair the lines.  They shut off the water frequently, not turning it back on for hours, sometimes days. When they finally do, its a mere trickle, not enough to flush the toilet. There is no hot water from any faucet. We showered, washing off our sweaty and bug spray covered skin under the cold trickle.

We have no options to move.  After days of looking, this being the high season, there isn’t a single habitable place for us in any of the decent areas.  Hotels are too expensive and have no vacancies as mentioned in a past post.  We have nine weeks to go.

Inviting

The golf cart sits in the driveway unattended.  We can’t wait to get out again.  It cleared for a little while yesterday early afternoon enabling us to drive the three miles to Maya Beach to check out some restaurants.  We’ve decided to eat out three times a week. It helps. The Maya Beach Hotel has the top-rated restaurant in the country of Belize, the Bistro.

Making a reservation for dinner for last night we sat at the bar, ordering a soda while perusing their unique menus, anxious to return in four hours to enjoy not only their epicurean delights but the inviting ambiance as well.  There were numerous options befitting our way of eating.  Tom cheats when we dine out, but with apparently no repercussions other than weight gain.  The next day he eats healthy balancing it all out.

Me at the Maya Beach Hotel.  Pockets filled with stuff as usual. 

We stopped along the return drive exploring the side streets, other restaurants, and the lush unusual vegetation. We stopped at the grocery store, miraculously finding a nonstick pizza pan wrapped in plastic, dusty in the back of a shelf, which will travel the world with us. 

When we originally packed, we laughed at the idea of bringing along a pizza pan.  But now, with a desire for a decent homemade meal with the limitations at the grocery stores, we’re grateful we found a pan. Our pizza requires parchment paper or Reynold’s No Stick foil. Neither of these exists in this country. Hopefully, the nonstick pan will suffice. They don’t sell mushrooms in Belize. 

The nicest grocery store near us

There’s little meat in the grocery stores only a few clumps of freezer-burned, frozen packages and literally no fresh meat. The grass-fed meat is all frozen.  We made steak.  It was thin and tough.  We ate it anyway. 

Mostly, the people of Belize eat beans, rice, pork, plantains, fried tortillas, a combination of many cultures. I’ve yet to see any seafood, fresh, or frozen in any of the three biggest grocery stores in the area. Yet, the restaurant’s menus are filled with seafood options.

A house we passed on the road to Maya Beach

On the ride back to the little house, the clouds rapidly changed from fluffy white to dark barreling cylinders.  We barely made it inside the door when the pouring rain returned.  If we were to make our 6:30 dinner reservation, we’d need to leave at 6:10. 

The rain never stopped. Dressed and ready to go at 6:00 PM we decided that we couldn’t risk it. The roof over the golf cart would provide no protection from the high winds and sideways rain. I contacted the restaurant online and canceled the reservation, promising to try again soon.  Today, actually.

Neither of us had eaten all day, not hungry after our huge buffet dinner the night before. There we were, not only hungry but needing to eat.  The tiny freezer held two items, Italian sausage for the pizza (quite the find) and two one-pound packages of ground grass-fed steak in funny skinny rolled packages less than 2″ in diameter.  Taking out the meat, it took but a few minutes to begin to defrost.

The Bistro at the Maya Beach Hotel rated Belize’s Top Rated Restaurant of the Year in 2012.  We tried to keep our reservation last night at 6:30 driving our golf cart the three miles, but were ‘rained out.” Trying again tonight! 

Tom said as I sliced the meat into well-shaped rounds, “Now we know why they serve so many “sliders” here.  They use this same meat!” We laughed.

First, cooking eight slices of bacon in my trusty frying pan, I placed the nine tiny burgers, well seasoned, into the pan carefully cooking them until fully done, more important now than ever. When done, we covered each mini burger with a chunk of sharp cheddar cheese and the cooked bacon. On the side, we had canned green beans made by Goya, a product line familiar in the US. 

Travel Nurse Marsha suggested we eat canned brand name vegetables as opposed to fresh to avoid the risk of waterborne disease and parasites.  The upscale resort restaurants have reverse osmosis systems to protect their hotel guests and customers. We never fail to ask. If so, we feel comfortable eating their cooked vegetables, although we refuse the raw vegetables which may be subject to mishandling, water parasites, and the like.  No salad while here. 

The only sickness we’ve experienced since leaving the US was the flu/cough/colds we contracted on the last cruise. Everyone was coughing. Mine still lingers, improving a little each day. 

We continue to boil a huge pot of water each day for washing dishes, hands, and faces. We drink only purified bottled water, five-gallon jugs for $3 US. Tom pours them into our smaller used purified water bottles, making them easier to handle. Both of us are feeling our shoulders in this humidity.

We fill empty bottles with tap water, keeping three or four large jugs in the bathroom to use for flushing the toilet, being extra careful never to mix them up since they all look alike. 

This morning the water ran long enough to do a load of laundry. A few days ago, it took six hours for one load, today only two. With the rain pelting, we hung the clothes indoors on the surprisingly available indoor clothesline.  I wondered why it was there when we first walked in the door almost a week ago. It will take two days for them to dry. Seriously. Did you ever use a bath towel hung in humidity to dry?  It hurts to wipe oneself! Guess it’s a good way to exfoliate after a refreshing cold shower.

As I write this the rain has stopped, although the dark clouds hover.  Our hope is to leave here at 5:00 PM today to head to The Bistro for a much-anticipated dinner by the sea. Bug spray before we dash out the door. The no-see-ums arrive at 5:00 pm. They have Crystal Lite Martguerita’s.  Hum….

Getting used to our new home…

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Sure, when most people hear our story of our world travels they think, “How fabulous!  You’re going on a perpetual vacation!  How exciting!”

Yes, it is exciting and we are fortunate for this amazing experience.  But, it’s living life in a new environment every few weeks or months (as few as thirteen days in Dubai in May 2013 and as many as five months in Hawaii in 2015). 

If there were no bags, no laptops, no vitamins, no prescriptions, no digital equipment, no camera, no cords, no toiletries, no documents, no shoes, no clothing and boots for Africa for going on safari, no clothes including dressy clothing for formal nights on six more upcoming cruises, no bathing suits, no Pouchong tea, no Crystal Lite, no bug spray and on and on, it would definitely be easier.

The reality?  We need these items.  As we’ve traveled thus far, we find that we can’t even buy many basic grocery items, let alone any of the above items we’ll use along the way.  A can of Crystal Lite Iced Tea priced at $2.99 in the US was $12.50 in Belize.  We’re glad we brought a small portion that will hopefully last until we get to another country. 

We don’t eat snacks or junk foods so the few food items we brought aren’t taking much room: Tom’s little packs of sunflower seeds (to help keep him smoke free), a few bars of sugar free dark chocolate and a few packs of gum. 

We also packed a bag of coconut flour, a jar of coconut oil and baking powder in a tiny container so we can have our GF Coconut Flour Pancakes (the recipe can be found by typing in the “search” box on our homepage) which I made for breakfast yesterday.  I used these ingredients plus the lightweight measuring cups and spoons I’d packed. They weren’t stocked here in the little house. 

Luckily, I found the unsweetened coconut milk for the recipe.  Belize is known for its coconut groves. The other ingredients were not to be found at the Maya Beach grocery store where we stopped shortly before arriving.  

We have no means of transportation.  We’d hope to rent a golf cart twice a week but the facility is so far away, one has to figure out how to get there to pick it up and return it.  When we booked this property, I checked on the location of the golf cart rental. They said they were walking distance from our beach house. Well, its five miles each way.  Hardly a short jaunt in 90 degree weather.

Rental cars are $3500 a month, for the smallest sized car.  Golf carts were advertised online at $10 for a half day to find out they are $58 including lots of state and local taxes, ending up over $75.  A cab ride to downtown Placencia,  the five mile ride, is $40 each way plus tips. 

There’s bicycles here but I haven’t been on a bike in 50 years.  Do I dare upset the delicate balance of my new found pain free existence with a potential fall? I hesitate to try.  Then again, part of me, wants to give it a whirl.

Tomorrow, we’ll take the bus for $1 Belizean (about $.50 US) each to downtown that runs twice a day, walk the world famous beach side sidewalk, check out the local sites, dine in a highly recommended restaurant and end up our day with grocery shopping in the bigger grocery store. 

We’ll haul six jugs of purified water and all the groceries back with us in one of our wheelie duffel bags and several of the nice cloth bags my niece in San Diego gave us when we stayed at her home for two days before boarding the Celebrity Century on January 3rd.  It seems so long ago.

We’ll boil water in a giant pot to use for washing dishes.  We use our bottled water to make ice in the little ice cube trays I packed that held my costume jewelry while in the bags. We’ll brush our teeth and wash our faces with bottled water. 

Yesterday, with poor water pressure it took nearly all day to wash two loads of laundry.  There’s no clothes dryer.  We hung our clothes outside on the clothesline provided using weathered clothespins (hadn’t seen those in years) while standing in sand, a few feet from the sea.  They were wrinkled but smelled good, taking almost all day to dry in the humid weather.

There’s no AC.  There are numerous fans. We sweat during the day.  We sleep through the night.  Surprisingly.  We sit outside by the sea all day, walk along the beach, playing with the dogs.  By 5:00 pm, we have to come indoors.  The no-see-ums arrive in swarms.  They can whittle their way through the screens.  We shut all the windows, awaiting it to get dark to reopen them. They fly across my computer screen as I write this.

Theft is a problem here.  We have to lock the doors when we walk the 50 feet to the water.  Computers and all types of electronics are often stolen out of houses including in this resort town.  We’re being very careful. 

During the first 36 hours, we often looked at each other wondering if we’ll be OK.  As I write this tonight, Thursday, its 48 hours since we arrived.  A few hours ago, while hunkered down inside away from the bite of the bugs during dusk while sitting on the uncomfortable sofa, Tom writing in Facebook, me reading reviews for restaurants downtown, our fingers touched.

He said while squeezing my hand, “We’re going to be OK.”

“Yes, Honey,” I said squeezing back, “We’ll be OK.”

Tom’s medical prep before traveling…

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Years ago, when our kitchen was being remodeled and we had literally no kitchen for six months, Tom began to suffer from a variety of severe intestinal symptoms.  He rapidly lost weight, running back and forth to the bathroom dozens of times each day and night.

One may assume that this was due to the fact we were eating fast food, processed food, or pre-made food products while our kitchen was being remodeled.  It was not. 

During this time, around 2004 our dining room table became our food prep area with various George Foreman grills, an electric skillet, an electric griddle, a toaster oven, two microwave ovens, cutting boards, seasonings, plates, and silverware, which we washed in the bathtub (we don’t like paper plates). 

During this period, we ate that which we perceived, at the time as “normal” meals; a protein, a vegetable or two, a starch, and a salad.  It was winter.  On warmer days, above 30 degrees, we cooked on the outdoor grill.  These were the same type of meals most of us prepare when cooking at home.  Why was he getting so sick?

When the symptoms exacerbated over time, months after the kitchen was done, we made an appointment to go to the Mayo Clinic for a week while poor Tom experienced every gastrointestinal test known to man, many gruesome, uncomfortable and embarrassing.  He didn’t eat a morsel of food for five days.

Diagnosis:  irritable bowel syndrome, commonly referred to as IBS, treatable (they said) by avoiding cruciferous vegetables, too much or too little fiber (which is it?), and medication to calm the digestive track taken three times a day.  Also, he was told he had Barrett’s Esophagus, which required the proton pump inhibitors, now being touted by some researchers as causing serious side effects.

Following this treatment was relatively easy with Tom’s little interest in cruciferous vegetables, general aversion to fiber laden foods, and desire to eat “white” bread, potatoes, and doughnuts.  I must confess, in a desire to please him, I cooked and baked his favorite foods while he faithfully took the medication.  The symptoms continued relentlessly. 

Our lives revolved around pacing our activities in order to be close to a bathroom or, by his not eating at all.  No food.  No symptoms. It was frustrating for him and for me, the official cook in the household, feeling responsible for feeding him foods that caused him severe illness. Its treatment wasn’t so clear cut at the time since we were following a recommendation made by the medical profession.  Could they possibly ill advise us?

After hours of researching online data, the advice was always the same; low fiber, medications, low stress, lots of water, all of which he followed meticulously. 

In 2008, four years since the onset of his symptoms, I stumbled across some information on Celiac disease.  Many of the symptoms suffered by patients with Celiac had symptoms similar to Tom’s.  What did we have to lose to try?  Much to my amazement, Tom agreed to go totally gluten-free for a one month trial.

Filling our cupboards with gluten-free mixes for desserts, coffee cake, doughnuts, and pasta, we began the process of living a gluten-free lifestyle.  I avoided many of these products since they were often filled with high fructose corn syrup and other sugars, which I had “given up” many years ago.  Tom gained weight, eating these high carb sugary foods.

Most of these treats were palatable and he didn’t complain.  Over a period of about three weeks, his symptom improved by about 75%.  We were satisfied with this result and continued along this path for a few years.  With few symptoms of his condition, he gradually incorporated gluten back into his diet. 

Surprisingly, his symptoms didn’t revert to the state they’d been a few years back.  Apparently, without gluten for a while, his intestinal tract healed to a degree and although he wasn’t symptom-free, it was manageable.  He was willing to suffer some problems in order to eat an occasional coffee cake and doughnut.

His weight ballooned to almost 240 pounds, all in the belly.  At barely six feet tall, he was rotund.  My guy, rotund.  During this period of time, the news was filled with stories on the dangers of visceral fat (fat surrounding the internal organs) causing heart disease, cancer, diabetes, and of course, digestive disorders. 

Tom shrugged off the risks, relying upon the longevity in his family while refusing to try any type of diet including gluten-free.

In August 2011, after years of severe full-body pain (which I wrote about in a prior post), I decided to try an anti-inflammation diet when a specialist explained that I’d require a total spinal fusion at some point as my spine continued to deteriorate.  It was August 2011. 

Tom attended my doctor’s appointment with me, for the first time seeing the degree of damage to every disc in my spine on the multiple MRIs from C1 to L5 hearing the doctor extol the virtues of a low inflammation diet. 

However, he suggested going one further step to enhance the possibility of extraordinary results; low carb (keeps blood sugar under control, thus reducing inflammation, according to many researchers at Harvard) no wheat, no grains of any type (no rice), no starch (no corn, no beans), no sugar (no fruit), no chemicals, high-quality grass-fed meat, free-range chickens, limit dairy to butter and hard cheeses, organic produce (when possible).

Miraculously, Tom agreed to follow along with me. He had read an article in the newspaper about the rapid increase in the incidence of Celiac disease over the past 60 years.  Here’s the link to the article that influenced him in going along on this path with me.

We eat eggs and nitrate-free bacon for breakfast, grass-fed meat, organic vegetables, and salad with homemade dressing for dinner every night.  We nibble on nuts and hard cheese and an occasional sweet treat made with Stevia sweetener. 

Now 18 months later, Tom has lost 44 pounds, has NO symptoms of IBS, has quit smoking, has stopped taking seven pills per day, and had stunning blood test results (better than ever) a month before we left Minnesota, as I have done as well. 

I am pain-free (except for that darned shoulder!).  Already slim, I didn’t lose weight during this period.  Nature has a funny way of taking care of its own when we respect the body, feeding it nourishing clean food.

So, this is why we eat the way we do, which we’ve mentioned here before.  Yes, cruises will be hard, especially the “sweets” tables.  However, we would not be able to go on this adventure if we hadn’t followed this way of eating.  Tom was too bulky to haul that luggage.  I was in too much pain to go anywhere, let alone around the world.

Upon the recommendation of our Minnesota physician, amazed at our results, Tom is having a final endoscopy and a colonoscopy next week after having seen a local gastroenterologist yesterday, here in Scottsdale.  He too was amazed by his improvement.  He explained an important point.  One may not have Celiac disease (which Tom will be further tested for next week) and yet be sensitive to gluten. 

A few years ago, he had a DNA test for Celiac Disease, which stated “he had a likelihood of Celiac disease” but was not conclusive. We’ll apprise you of his result after the tests are completed next week.  The only conclusive test is a biopsy of the small intestine, which he will have.

For those of you yet to have a colonoscopy, please follow along with us. (You can sign up to receive an email when we prepare a new post by entering your email on the right side of our site.  You will not be further solicited). 

You may discover that this life-saving test is not painful, difficult, or embarrassing.  The only sacrifice is one day of a clear liquid-only diet and the drive to and from the facility.  IV medication makes this pain free leaving you with little or no memory of the test itself.  You are completely covered up during the procedure. 

I had put it off having this test myself, for almost 10 years, only to be pleasantly surprised at how relatively easy it was.  This will be Tom’s third procedure, required more frequently due to his past bowel issues.

Please understand, we are in no manner, trying to prescribe, diagnose, or claim to have any medical knowledge or experience other than that of the average layperson.  We simply want to share our experience with you, as we will as we travel the world.

Next week, we’ll post the results of Tom drinking the two little bottles of the prescribed,  SUPREP BOWEL PREP KIT, drinking one small bottle at 5 PM, the night before the procedure, and then again at 5:00 AM, the morning of the procedure. 

Once these two tests are completed and, providing the result is good which we expect, Tom will have no further testing until we eventually return to the US. Of course, if he has any new symptoms, we will do so wherever we may be.

His tests are next Thursday morning, December 6th.  We will begin a “blow by blow” description on Wednesday, his prep day, and he what eats and drinks, and his reaction to the two little bottles. Perhaps, not suitable for the squeamish.

Abundant trade offs…

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As a logical, numbers crunching individual, I learned a long time ago, “there is no such thing as a free lunch.”  

The literal translation of this phrase may be construed as:

When enjoying lunch with a friend, who enthusiastically states, “I’m buying,” most often a thought ran through my mind of “Wow, free lunch! One less meal I have to buy.”  Nope, it’s not free.

The trade off?  Next time, I’ll buy lunch or, next time when the friend calls at 10 PM for emotional support, I’ll listen. Or next time the friend needs a ride when their car breaks down, I’m all over it. No, there’s no free lunch.

Remove any resentment or sense of obligation from the mix and we have a cooperative sharing relationship, friendship, a human condition entrenched in trade-offs.  No doubt, we relish in the opportunity to be a part of this magical experience, not only in friendship but in all relationships.

Within our hearts, the “unconditional love” we profess, for our children and grandchildren, we seek pleasure, pride, laughter and return of love. No, we don’t abandon them when unfulfilled, but we grievously hunger for reciprocation continually trying to inch closer.

No free lunch, this life.  No free lunch, traveling the world. Sacrifices? Yes, many.  Beside the obvious of leaving those we love, leaving the familiarity of the home we have treasured for 26 years and leaving the security blanket of predictable, but not mundane life as we’ve known it, we leave behind our most valued “creature comforts.”
What are they?  Will we find alternatives to replace them or will our interest in them entirely dissipate over time?  They include:

Our bed: A California King Sleep Number with split top mattresses with dual controls, with the ability to raise and lower the head and the foot for maximum comfort.  After many years of suffering with advanced degenerative disk disease, this bed has been a life saver not only for me but also for Tom.

My pillow:  A Tempur-Pedic neck pillow that has been highly instrumental in improving my sleep. Unable to imagine life without this pillow, Tom and I used a SpaceBag and our cute little vacuum with the hope and expectation that we could shrink the pillow sufficiently enough to pack it to travel around the world with us. It’s much smaller after sucking out the air, although heavy as a rock. Maybe, maybe not.
My Tempur-Pedic neck pillow before deflation
My Tempur-Pedic neck pillow after deflation
Our two comfy chairs:  Whether a sofa, a love seat or a chair, we all have a favorite place to park our butts at the end of a task filled day.  With our two comfy Flexsteel chairs, positioned perfectly in front of the big screen TV, we have spent endless hours together entertaining ourselves by laughing, talking, watching our favorite shows (many ridiculous) and lounging.  We never sleep in these chairs.  We each have the habit of awakening one another if we spot the other’s eyes begin to close.  Why we do this?  I don’t know.
Our TVs:  Whether cooking or eating in the kitchen, the TV is on in the background, although we’re seldom fully engaged in a show. In the evenings after dinner, we head to the family room to the above mentioned chairs, laptops whirring on our laps as we begin our nightly ritual of talking, laughing, commenting, sharing a funny email and simply having a great time.

Our dessert:  Ah, a year ago, when we both decided to go gluten-free, grain-free, starch-free, sugar-free and low carb, I quit baking the elaborate desserts we used to enjoy each night after dinner. Tom got fatter and I exercised harder. Here are a few of our former desserts, now replaced with healthier low carb, gluten free, sugar free items:
Elaborate dessert: Homemade Ice Cream Cake, perfect for a hot summer night. Bye, bye, cake!
Elaborate dessert: Homemade Puff Pastry Napolean!  No more!
Elaborate dessert: Homemade Butterscotch Meringue Pie (I used 12 eggs whites)!  Never again!
New dessert:  Unsweetened Greek Yogurt topped with GF, SF, low carb chocolate sauce, unsweetened organic shredded coconut and bits of low carb chocolate coconut protein bar. Not bad at all! (Tom won’t try this).
Our ice machine: Eight years ago when we renovated our kitchen we added a SubZero ice machine.  It was easy to adopt the habit of first loading our  insulated, handled mugs with ice to the brim and then pouring in our favorite iced tea, Crystal Light (using two packets to 1/2 gallon of purified water, as opposed to one packet). Our four little ice cube trays, now filled with jewelry, yet to be packed, will make enough ice to last most of a day.

Creature comforts will now be replaced with creatures, big and small. Comfortable beds, comfy furniture and my pillow traded for lumpy discomfort? Maybe. TV replaced with reading downloaded books, playing games, sitting outside at night staring at the stars, listening to the sound of the ocean, the roar of a lion, the laughter in the streets.  Desserts may impossible to make with limited availability of ingredients and icy drinks may be a thing of the past. 

Trade-offs? Yes, many. As Tom always says after we’ve rearranged the furniture, “Give me some time.  I’ll get used to it.”

Estate sale, pantyhose and Eggs Benedict…What???

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Ha, ha!  A lifetime of panty hose that I pulled out of a dresser drawer!  I can’t imagine these would sell at the estate sale!

Over the past many months in preparation for unloading all of a lifetime possessions, I’ve emptied drawers, closets, and a few cupboards. After all, we are living here, continuing to prepare meals, do mountains of laundry, endlessly entertain and amuse ourselves utilizing copious technological devices.

As time marches near, two months and four days from today, I peruse the items left on the shelves, in the closets,  packed into kitchen cabinets and overstuffed drawers and of course, the intimating array of tools and miscellany in our old basement, Tom’s domain. 

What’ll we do with all of this “stuff?”  

We’ve packed no less than 15 totes of items (the tip of the iceberg) to sell at our upcoming estate sale beginning on Thursday, October 25th, jammed into one of our three guest rooms.  Good grief!  No overnight guests, please! There’s no room to walk around the bed, let alone lay in it!

Another guest room is jammed with banker’s boxes of six years’ of tax returns, plastic totes filled to the brim with “can’t part with” Christmas decorations, photo albums and memorabilia, to be stored by our adult kids (thanks kids!).  

Other than the storage of these six totes, we will have no storage, no “stuff”, nada, nothing when we own other than the luggage in our possession.  

Months ago, we arranged with Jim Anderson, owner of Caring Estate Sales to conduct our sale.  We’ve met with him twice, spoken to him on the phone a few times, feeling confident about having chosen him.  

When we met with him, he specifically stated, “Take everything you want to keep out of the house before October 25th;  luggage, totes for the kids to store, food in cupboards, leaving behind everything to be sold, including the clothes in the closets.  Leave everything in its place!  Don’t pack.”

I packed the 15 totes.  Why?  I don’t know why.  I just did it.  It made sense months ago to start going through everything, tossing unwanted unusable items, taking usable items to Goodwill (which I did) while sifting for morsels of memorabilia.  Now I must stop.

Speaking to Jim again yesterday, apologizing for asking the same question over and over, acknowledging this would be the last time I’d ask, “Do I really leave “stuff” in the cupboards, closets, drawers?  Does Tom need to go through everything in the basement, sorting and tossing?”

His answer, “Yes, leave the stuff in its place and no, Tom doesn’t have to go through anything in the basement.  We prefer to do everything ourselves, pricing as we go.  You will inspect and approve the items and the pricing before the sale begins.”  

I’m flabbergasted! It finally sinks in: leave everything in its place. Stop packing except our luggage and the totes for kids.

What does this leave me to do in regard to “stuff” only, that I haven’t done thus far?  (Bear with me, it helps to make a partial list to which I continually add as I really dig in after Labor Day. I’ll copy and paste the list to my “to do” tab in Excel).

  1. Empty and clean the two refrigerators and huge freezer in the basement, the Subzero in the kitchen, distributing all usable food to our kids and neighbors.

2 Clean out all the food in the storage room in the basement and all food in kitchen cabinets.

3. Remove all wine from the Subzero wine cooler in the kitchen, beer in the basement and distribute them to family and friends.

4. Empty and clean cabinets in bathrooms of all toiletries.

5. Finish cleaning dresser drawers of all personal effects such as underwear and pantyhose as in above photo (who’d buy used pantyhose or underwear, anyway?)

6. Clean Tom’s walk-in closet. He has the equivalent of three large totes of relatively useless papers to go through. 

7. Go through all the kitchen drawers in search of memorabilia

8/ Go through all of my approximate 100 cookbooks, scanning favorite recipes, keeping in mind our low carb, gluten-free, sugar-free, wheat and grain-free diet. (Good job to start today!)

Of course, this list does not include trip related tasks: second passports, visas, banking, doctor appointments, final immunizations, prescriptions, insurance, selling our cars, setting up our mailing service in Nevada, changing addresses for all of our insurance, credit cards, banking, etc., on and on.

I’ve had way too much time to think about all this. Realistically, if we waited until the last month, we’d somehow get all of this done.  

Now, I have to go dig out my favorite recipe for Hollandaise Sauce from The New Antionette Pope School Cook Book, published in 1973. 
This is my double boiler which  purchased years ago at an estate sale for $2. I gave it to my friend Karen who kindly offered her home when we’ll need a place to stay before the sale begins at our house.
It is this very recipe that assisted me in winning First Place in an Eggs Benedict Contest entitled, ‘The 1986 Eggs Benedict-Off”.  Here’s the recipe for the sauce. Its much easier than it looks.  

I must make this recipe one more time before the sale using my absolutely perfect 1950’s glass double boiler that I bought 30 years ago at a garage sale for $2. OK, I will go get the double boiler from the storage room in the basement and take  a photo which is below. Bye, double boiler. Hello, world.

Page 1 of recipe. Click to enlarge
Page 2 of recipe

Broken yolks…

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In an effort to practice cooking differently, this morning I made sausage, eggs and coconut flour pancakes in a large nonstick non toxic skillet. I had previously posted this pancake recipe, but here it is again:

Low-Carb, Gluten-Free Coconut Flour Pancakes

Entire recipe: 1700 calories, 35 grams carbs, 20 grams fiber,

These pancakes are surprisingly pancake-like and delicious when one considers how little carbohydrate is in them. And, of course, they’re gluten-free.

Jess’s Gluten Free Coconut Flour Pancakes

(Better than regular pancakes. Low carb. Doesn’t spike insulin). Use sugar free syrup and real butter if following a low carb diet. 35 carb grams for entire recipe that serves 4-6)

8 eggs
½ cup coconut oil or melted butter
½ cup unsweetened coconut milk (may need more for consistency)
4 tsp sweetener
½ teaspoon salt
½ cup coconut flour (No need to sift. Stir well)
1 tsp baking powder (I use GF, aluminum free)

Blend together eggs, oil, coconut milk, sugar, and salt. Combine coconut flour and baking powder and thoroughly mix into batter. Heat 1 tablespoon of coconut oil in a skillet. Spoon batter onto hot skillet, making pancakes about 2.5 to 3 inches in diameter. Batter will be thick but will flatten out when cooking. Makes about 8 pancakes.

Usually, I make this yummy breakfast on our Viking single surface 24″ wide griddle with an electronic 1500 CFM downdraft. Cooking everything at once at the perfect temperature, medium-high, results in fluffy pancakes, golden brown sausage links and “over easy” eggs, seldom breaking a yoke.

As the time to leave nears, today was the day to test making breakfast sans use of the griddle, instead using a large skillet.

The owner of the house in Belize suggested we bring our own skillet. Apparently, there isn’t a pan to be had in the house or at a nearby store in the remote area of Placencia, where one might find a safe non-stick pan. Odd? Perhaps. But, we’ll bring an eco friendly pan. With little space in our luggage for a large pan, I must learn to cook breakfast in a small pan.

Considering myself an experienced and reasonably good cook, I expected this process to be a breeze. With the 12″ skillet in hand, a touch of coconut oil melting on the bottom, I started with the sausages which take the longest to cook. There was no room in the pan for the pancakes at the same time. If I removed the sausages, poured the pancake batter, I could reheat the sausages returning them to the pan, when I finished making the eggs.

In concept, this was a great plan. The sausages nicely browned, I removed them from the pan to awaiting paper towels on a plate and proceeded to make the pancakes. This pancake recipe is a little delicate but cooking on the griddle has been no problem since we started our low carb, gluten free, sugar free, grain free and starch free diet almost a year ago.

In an enthusiastic attempt to see how the pancakes were doing, I tried flipping them too soon. They all fell apart, resulting in a huge pile of tasty clumps. The eggs, not so good either. I broke the yolks, again flipping too soon.

Watching Tom attempt to butter the one inch pieces of pancakes made me laugh. In a sincere voice, I apologized to him for screwing up his one breakfast at home this week. He mumbled something sweet, as he often does.

Observing him maneuver the overcooked, rubbery broken egg yolks on his plate, all stuck to the pieces of overly browned sausage pieces, I chuckled to myself once more.

I’ll get this right. All I need is a little practice. After all, I do have three months and two days to practice. Breakfast anyone?